Wifey, Madam, Mrs, those first heady first few months with the new moniker are definitely thrilling. He liked it, and he put a ring on it. But as with everything, time has a knack of muting our excitement, appreciation and wonder. Call it comfort, call it busy schedules, call it what it really should be called which is complacency, but many couples arrive at the advent of Valentine’s Day filled with dread. This is the day that romance is meant to be front and centre, where you are meant to capture some of that crazy-in-love spark from the early days of dating, not mumble your way through niceties along with all the other couples booked in the same restaurant doing exactly the same thing. As an eternal optimist, romantic and still delighted to be here Naija Wifey,I present some tips and tricks to make sure the evening is pure sizzle. Warning; this article is not for the faint-hearted. Commitment to being a hotter-than-hot wifey is key. Well you did make vows right? For a quick reminder check your left hand or admire this marvel from Cartier.
For the love of God, (and him) make an effort with your underpinnings. It’s Val’s Day girl, and those big-pants (unless they are from Cadolle in which case I salute you, hail you and am right behind you), are a defo no-go, no-how, no-wear situation. Lingerie should be on point, as in so devastating that you are a one woman explosion. For inspo look no further than Naomi Campbell photographed by Ellen Von Unwerth for this frankly seminal, sensational and my own personal forever get-my-sexy-on reference point Agent Provocateur shoot way back in 2015.
I mean come on, which husband is not going to switch his phone, tablet, shoot his whole life to silent if he is met with this kind of visual scenario on the 14th? And for those wanting to add a spot of patriotism to proceedings (whilst of course checking everything is okay with the ignition Oga), this green number is everything.
For those of us based in Lagos, there are a number of boutiques that can help us get our kit together. Two complete winners are Sshhh Lingerie Boutique based at 12e Admiralty Way Lekki Phase 1 and Aimanosi Lingerie based at 15 Military Street, 4th floor Onikan. Shhh Lingerie Boutique was founded by Joy Adesanya, a woman who took her passion for lingerie to the next level, offering a fabulous edit from leading lingerie designers around the world. Speaking to yours truly she shared “Lingerie is about confidence, emancipation and sensuality. It’s an opportunity for women to explore their bodies and connect with what works with them.” I couldn’t agree more and what will find in the boutique is a veritable who’s who of brands from Mimi Holliday to Nubian Skin and Bluebella.
This particular Nubian Skin number is perfect for the shy wifey who prefers to keep things subtle. But for bonus points and proper Valentine’s Day Goals accessorize with a jar of Nutella and a spoon. I need not explain further!
Aimanosi was founded by Emalohi Iruobe and the brand committed to body positivity and self love. With a tag line is “every body is in.” all wifeys can participate. Emalohi elaborates further: “We are inclusive in our representation and intend to fit every woman regardless of her physical appearance and make her feel special, supported and sexy.” Designing and producing in Nigeria she has created pieces that go up to larger cup sizes, a bonus for the plus-size ladies out there.
For Valentine’s Day I would recommend the ‘Wrap Me Up Flowers In The Garden’ Set. Front fastening and with a guaranteed party in the back thong brief , the pretty floral embroidery on this piece is the perfect combination of feminine and seductive. Greet him well and he will love you forever!
So we have covered the lingerie tips, now onto those Madam Michief after dark tricks. If you are wanting to keep things basic but effective, some video vixen moves to the latest club bangers on a pre-selected playlist should do the trick. Do not, I repeat, do not be shy. Channel your inner stripper and to quote the old Notorious BIG/P-Diddy lyric: ‘I need you to dance, I need you to strip, I need you to shake your lil’ ass and hips I need you to grind like you’re working for tips. And give me what I need while we listen to Prince‘ If you are really getting into the zone, maybe even accept those notes from his wallet with alacrity, you are making it rain after all! And don’t forget to wear a stripper shoe – only a clear lucite heel will do, but because you are a Bella Stylista, make it modern and fashion-forward with either of these offerings from Balmain:
Or if you are looking for a shoe that one could rock to the office the morning after and give you a naughty reminder of the night before these classic python sandals from Salvatore Ferragamo are just the ticket and fit the brief as they have an of-the-night-for-the-night lucite heel.
For those who are more adventurous set up the selfie stick and indulge in some For-His-Eyes-Only videos and send at hourly intervals to his phone. Lose the ‘Good-Girl’ persona in these messages, you have 364 days to be a paragon of virtue, this is all about creating something altogether more outre. If this feels a bit de trop, then leave a hand-written saucy note in his jacket pocket or his wallet, somewhere only he will read it. The aim of this game is to amp up anticipation and to remind him you are more than a career woman/mother of his children/sisi-of-life/ daughter-in-law of the year (nod to as many as apply to you), and are a grown woman who desires him and him alone.
Finally, there is the ‘Dice Game’. There are many variations, but basically you and hubby will ascribe to a number on the dice a suitably saucy activity. Roll, do, repeat. Yes, quite the addictive past-time and with some Swarovski encrusted dice you can get your sexy-on in style.
So, you see Wifey-For-Lifey moves need not mean that you have closed the door on red hot passion. Quite the opposite, as with intimacy comes adventure. And because you are not fretting of what he might think of you in the morning, or whether he will text or worse ghost you, you can enjoy an inhibition free experience. A fist bump to all my fellow Madams out there, let the ‘enjoyment’ of the life-long kind commence!